You might have learned about EMDR or even heard of it from a friend or another therapist. But what does an EMDR therapy session look like? What will you feel like after your first EMDR session? What long-term positive effects are associated with EMDR therapy? It can be anxiety-inducing enough to delve into your past, but to try a new type of therapy? That is a perfectionist’s nightmare! But have no fear, this post will explain all that and more.
An overview of EMDR sessions
Here’s a simple breakdown of the 8 phases of EMDR therapy:
- History & Planning – The therapist will talk to you to understand your background, current struggles, and what memories may be affecting you. This is where you and your therapist will make a list of memories that you may like to reprocess- and don’t worry! Your therapist can help if you’re unsure where to start.
- Preparation – You learn coping skills, relaxation techniques, and how EMDR works so you feel safe during the process.
- Assessment – The therapist helps you identify a specific distressing memory, including the emotions, negative thoughts, and physical sensations connected to it.
- Desensitization – This is where the eye movements or other bilateral stimulation happen. While recalling the memory, your brain starts to process it in a new, less distressing way.
- Installation – The therapist helps you replace negative beliefs (e.g., “I’m powerless”) with positive ones (e.g., “I’m strong and in control”).
- Body Scan – You check in with how your body feels to make sure there’s no lingering tension or distress related to the memory.
- Closure – The session ends in a calm way, ensuring you feel grounded and stable before leaving.
- Reevaluation – In the next session, the therapist checks how you’re feeling and whether the memory still bothers you. If needed, the process continues until it no longer feels distressing.
Phases 4-6 will be repeated for each memory until you rate it as a 0 on a scale from 0-10.
How do you know a memory is finished?
Once you are not reporting any new information after sets of bilateral stimulation, and your distress is essentially gone, the memory is considered finished and reprocessing for that memory is over, and then you can move on to the next one. A memory can take anywhere from 1-3 sessions to process fully.
Here is a demonstration:
What should I be doing during an EMDR therapy session?
Great question! You will first decide with your therapist on what type of ‘bilateral stimulation’ you will be using. Bilateral stimulation or BLS for short, is simply a fancy way of saying stimulating both sides of your brain. There are several forms or ways of doing BLS: eye movements, tapping, sounds, and buzzers. You can read about the different types here.
Once you’ve picked a memory to reprocess, you will ‘activate the memory’ or bring your distressing or traumatic memory into conscious awareness so that it can be processed. Then, while engaging in BLS, you simply notice what is coming up- do not try to force thinking about any one particular thing- it’s simply like being a passenger in a car and noticing the scenery go by. If you are working with me, I will check in with you periodically. There is nothing further for you to do – your brain is doing the healing!
What Can I Expect to Feel After My First EMDR Therapy Session?
It’s normal to feel tired or drained after an EMDR session – processing your wounds can feel overwhelming. You might not notice much of a difference until you’ve processed a few memories- then people tend to notice a shift in their thinking and mood later on. Your therapist will give you coping skills to use between your sessions if you feel triggered. It’s also best to not schedule any work or other things after your EMDR sessions.
“What does an EMDR therapy session look like for a Perfectionist or High Achiever?“
- Perfectionists often repress or over-intellectualize emotions, and EMDR helps bypass that
- EMDR isn’t about “doing it right” and how there’s no way to fail at it
- EMDR works even if you struggle to recall specific memories
If you identify as a perfectionist, high achiever, or someone who tends to hold it all together for others, you might wonder if EMDR is “your kind of therapy.” The short answer? Yes. In fact, EMDR can be especially powerful for people who have spent years overfunctioning, intellectualizing their emotions, or pushing through burnout without fully understanding what’s going on beneath the surface.
Perfectionists often have high internal standards and a deep fear of failure or being seen as “not enough.” These patterns are frequently rooted in early life experiences—like feeling responsible for others, being praised only for achievements, or internalizing subtle messages that emotions were “too much” or inconvenient.
The problem? These beliefs often live in the body and nervous system, not just the mind. That’s where EMDR shines.
Rather than just talking through a belief like “I have to be perfect to be loved,” EMDR allows you to reprocess the underlying memories and emotions that created that belief in the first place. You don’t have to logic your way out of it—you just have to notice, feel, and let your brain do what it’s wired to do: heal.
And if the idea of “not doing it right” during a session feels stressful? You’re not alone. Many perfectionists fear they’ll somehow mess up EMDR or not get it “right.” The good news is: you can’t fail at EMDR. There’s no perfect way to do it, and your therapist is there to guide and support you every step of the way. All you have to do is show up—exactly as you are.
If you’d like to read more about what EMDR can help with read this.
If you’re ready to get started, reach out today!
